


Last bit of Hope

by johngirl



Series: Fangirl play list [2]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Past Relationship(s), Past Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7497612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johngirl/pseuds/johngirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma is hurting and it's all her fault.</p><p>Takes place after the end of LM. Slight spoilers. This may suck and it may be upsetting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last bit of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> I don't believe Emma is to blame and all rights go to the amazing Cassandra Clare. Note that this my first pic on this cite and there be spelling errors. Sorry/ not sorry. Hope you enjoy and please comment!

Tears fell from her eyes. She could feel them roll down her cheeks but she made no move to whip them away. Her hands and arms lay numb in her lap. Fear and doubts creep into her mind and did a bittersweet dance. Around and around they went and in some twisted tango. She tried in desperate vain not to listen to the thoughts that echoed on top each other. Reminding herself that they were not true everything would be okay. Everything would work out. It was just so hard to believe or hope in this any more. In anything any more. She wanted to give up. But that was not the way shadow hunters did things. That was not who she was. She was raised to be strong. She was raised to be fearless. She tried! The last bit of hope ebbing away as she fought with everything she had left to hang on to it. She reminded herself of the things she did have. Her friends, her family. She tried to think about what the future may hold. Not letting the fear tell her that she would lose everything. No, she would let the little whisper of hope rise above the the echoing shouts of fear and doubt. Or she would try at least. It whispered that she had so much to gain. Everything would be okay.

 _“You are going to hurt him now. Look what you done. He will think that you never loved him. You’ll lose him and everyone else too. You could tell him the truth but he’ll think your lying or that you just used his brother. He truly regret being paraibiti now. Oh and what about what you doing to Mark? This not fair to him. Do you even care?”_ She shook her head. No no no! That’s not true. Julian would always love and care for her. She just needed for him to love her as a friend. He would thank her for this some day. As for Mark he could leave whenever he wanted to. She was not holding a knife to his thoart.

Still the voices in her head wouldn’t listen to this. _“All you do is hurt the ones you love. You let this go to far. Your so selfish Emma."_ A sob rocked through her chest. She wanted to run. Run from the fear, run from the pain. But she is tethered here. Tethered to _him_. She can’t leave him. She is doomed to forever to love him. To watch his eyes’ fill with pain as she pretended to love someone else. She was doomed to watched him eventually move on and love some one new. That thought made her **sick**. Nauseua and pain twisting in her stomach. This was _her_ fault. There was no way to fix this. Her world was crashing down on her and all she could do was watch it.

Tears swam in her eyes. Fear danced in her head. Pain made her insides ach with each beat of her heart. She was living in a pertual _**hell**_. Unlike before she could turn to Julian for help but not now. She wanted him here but at the same time she wanted him as far away as possible. _“Maybe he should hate me.”_ The thought of Jules hating her was like a knife to the gut. _“Then he can move on quicker.”_ The knife twisted. _“Then I can explain myself and we can heal our broken friendship.”_

The thought of anything being broken between the two of them brought all the air out of her lungs. It was like she was drowning again. This time though no could save her. This time instead of a sea  water batting her around it was a sea of thoughts. Waves of emotions pushed her around. Knocking her back under every time her head broke above the surface. Hardly allowing her to get any air; even when she did it wasn’t a good breath either. Her lungs burning was the only thing that told her this nightmare was one she could not wake up from. At some point her body gave up and her mind shut down.

She fell into a restless and dreamless sleep. Tomorrow though the strong Emma would take over. When the sun as up she would put on a smile. She would not show an ounce of fear. She would not let on that she was a afraid of the thought that she would lose her kids- like her and Julian were going through some werid divorce. Or that she had these thoughts at all. Tomorrow she pretend like she loved Mark. Then at night she would fall apart in her bedroom behind closed doors. Like tonight. Like every not since Mark had asked her _"Why lie?'"_  She would followed this cycle. She would have everyone believing her. Maybe she could fool herself. Maybe then Julian would move on and she would find herself happy with Mark. They could all be sane and keep their family together. That was the last bit of hope Emma had. That was all Emma had now. One last ounce of hope to get her though this nightmare. The last thought that went through her mind, the one that both fear and hope could agree upon was: **_“Time heals all wounds.”_**

With that she slept willing enough strength to return with the morning sun to continue on with the cycle her life had now become.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Please leave a comment on what you liked and didn't!


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